jersey shore controversy.

Okay, it's true, I have to admit that I am a complete reality television junkie. I love the corny reality TV shows that nobody likes to watch because everyone knows they aren't even "real". But, the latest reality show that I have been tuning in for is Jersey Shore. This show is about a group of eight Italian strangers who are living in a shore house together in Seaside Heights, New Jersey. Many viewers have described this show as a social stigma since it gives Italian people a bad image. The truth about these young adults that are in their twenties are that they are not just ordinary Italians, they are "guidos". Guidos are the tawdry Italians that constantly have to wear gaudy jewelry, get spray tans, and tend to wear inappropriate clothing. But, what makes this show so addicting is all of the drama that goes on among the roommates, which has caused me to succumb to watching every episode of this new television series.

Many of the people on the show have different nicknames, such as Michael, who calls himself "The Situation". He is always very invidious in every episode since he likes to provoke his other friends just to make trouble and get them angry. Mike's best friend on the show is Pauly D., who always goes out at night with Mike so that they can meet new girls every night of the summer. As the season progresses, Mike and Pauly D have become sycophants since they flatter girls in order to get their number in return. One of the funniest girls on the show is Nicole, whose nickname is "Snookie". Her skin appears to be orange because she gets spray tanned so much, and always makes funny comments and gets herself into unfortunate situations because she is so outgoing. My favorite guy out of all the guys in the house is Vinny because he is very sweet and is the least obnoxious out of all of them. I watch new episodes of this show every Thursday night and cannot wait for tomorrow's episode!

so this is christmas.

This year I feel as though Christmas flew by. Ever since I entered high school, the holidays seem to go by and I am not able to enjoy them as much as I did when I was younger. My family always coalesces for Christmas, but I cannot enjoy the anticipation for when Christmas comes because I am always busy doing homework, and then all of a sudden Christmas seems to creep up behind me and I am not prepared for it to come yet. I like when my "Christmas anxiety" builds up inside of me because it fills my soul with holiday spirit. But, since it comes so fast, I lose that effect inside of me. But, Christmas will always be my favorite holiday because it is ethereal to me since it creates such a beautiful and timeless season for everyone. School always tends to make the time before the holidays saturnine due to the fact that sometimes I won't even have time to decorate the tree because of all the homework I have, which gets me very depressed sometimes.

But, school cannot put a damper on the fun that I have with my family during Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. My family is the loudest and funniest group of people that you will even meet in your life! My entire family means the world to me even though all of my uncles (my dad's brothers) hector me every single time we get together. I am an easy target since I find what they joke about hysterically funny and they are like brothers to me. Also, every time we are all together, my dad and his brothers will always perform ruses on their sister's kids, which we all get a good laugh at. My family is 100% Italian, and they won't every let you forget it if you ever meet or talk to them. My grandma makes incredible homemade Italian food that makes my mouth water at every holiday...especially Christmas!

REMI! <3

Puppies are the most adorable animals a person could ever own. They are known as a man's best friend, and over winter break I became very attached to my cousin's new puppy. The minute I entered my cousin's apartment I was beguiled by the cute little eyes and face of the tiny animal. My cousin, Nicole, and her husband, Matt, had come to me for advice on what they should name their puppy, and I had suggested the name Nico simply because I love the guy from the movie My Big Fat Greek Wedding whose name is Nico. But, when they told me that they were now getting a female puppy, I was a little insulted since I was so excited to christen this new puppy with the name I had chosen! So, while I was staying with Nicole and Matt, I excoriated their choice of choosing the name Remi because I thought it was a horrible name! Honestly, I have never met anyone that was named Remi, and did not think it was an exotic or creative idea. But, besides that, I fell in love with Remi because she had such a sweet demeanor and was so well-behaved for being only ten weeks old.

So, once Remi had fallen asleep by about 1:00 in the morning, and stopped barking, my cousin and I would stay up even later so that we could watch reruns of Sex and The City. During the commercials, Nicole was very garrulous and would ask me millions of questions about my friends and other unimportant matters. But, every night when it reached around 2:30 in the morning, we would hear barking and that's when I started to dislike Remi. She was practically implacable and would not stop barking until we played with her for another 30 minutes. But, even though my "sleepover" at my cousin's apartment was quite ephemeral since I was only there for four days, I still did not want to go home and especially did not want to go back to school. Nicole is like my older sister and I love her so much because we are able to talk about our lives for hours and she is always there for me.

peer leaders '09

I thought today was going to be just another ordinary field trip, but believe me it wasn't. As a Peer Leader I was required to partake in this "learning experience" which I thought was going to be a fun and carefree day. But, to my surprise it was a complete aberration which I had not foresaw. As my friends and I gathered together, we walked across the street from Pascack Valley to the church, since we were supposed to meet in its basement to listen to a well-known life coach, Robert Pruitt. Everyone walked in at a chary pace, since no one knew what this speaker was going to talk to us about. As we all began to flood the once capacious room, everyone became at ease since the life coach, Mr. Pruitt, began to play music that we all were quite familiar with. He then turned off the music once everyone had taken a seat and began his intense speech about how we are responsible for the choices we make in life and how we shouldn't let anyone influence or mislead us from the goals that we strive for. His presentation was the farthest thing from desultory due to the fact that he used a great scenario to depict the lesson he was trying to teach us, which had the audience in hysterics. He explained how the first time he went on the ride, Kingda Ka, a man told him that it was a crazy attraction that he should think about before deciding to ride it. Mr. Pruitt explained that he would not let this stranger's opinion influence his own, and proceeded to decide to walk up the endless flight of stairs to the ride. He then emulated how he rode the ride with his hands straight up in the air, rather than halfway in the air, because he explained how he was going to have the best experience possible. It was a great way to start the presentation, but I slowly began to notice a gradual crescendo of the intensity of the life lessons he continued to present to us.

Mr. Pruitt then began his presentation on trust. He asked all of us to stand up if we considered ourselves to have issues trusting people. It took a while for people to take the initiative to stand up, but once they did, it created a "domino effect" and other people started standing including myself. I have always been a person who does not trust people easily because I feel as though it is so hard to find people that I can depend on besides my own family. He then asked the people who decided to stand if a couple of them would like to challenge and overcome their issues with trusting people in front of everyone today. I was not one of the people who decided to do the activity, but observing it impacted me just the same. The activity that Mr. Pruitt had decided to do made the peer leaders who were not involved make two lines across from one another so that each person was facing someone else, which would be their partner. Each pair of partners held a dowel, and the people doing the activity had to be blindfolded and climb across the dowels that everyone was holding, by crawling across on their hands and knees and only listening to the guidance of their peers to get them across. As the people were being blindfolded and prepared to cross the sea of suspended dowels, I noticed a complete change in their demeanor. They were overcome with tears because this was not just an activity, but rather an emotional and internal journey for them to relinquish their inability to trust others and learn to have faith in themselves. It was an incredible sight to see these strong people, who were my friends, overcome this fear in front of everyone who were all cheering for them to keep on going and supporting them until they got to the end. Once the exercise was over, we all were able to reflect on what just happened. I took this opportunity to find the courage to stand up in front of everyone and explain the small self-discovery I had undergone while watching all of this take place. But, as I began to speak I went through a paroxysm of crying and it was hard for me to express what I wanted, since I had been so emotionally touched. I had finally commandeered my emotions with the help of Mr. Pruitt telling me to breathe and focus which proved to be quite difficult. Basically what I had said was how I admired the people who had participated in the activity because they had revealed their vulnerability, which I am not one to do. I also said that it made me realize that it is okay for people to see me as being weak sometimes, because I know that I have too much pride and feel I have to be in control of everything I do. But, I came to the realization that I am not going to be able to do everything on my own in life, and that people are going to be there to help me along the way. Also, I need to let my peers have an opportunity to see me as a more emotional individual since that is how I can develop deeper relationships with people by opening up a window for them to peek into my life every now and then. Once I had expressed myself to my fellow peer leaders, Mr. Pruitt said, "Do you realize that you just showed your vulnerability to everyone just now?". And once I saw his warm smile I felt like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders and that I had taken the first step towards discovering who I am as a person on a deeper level than ever before.

After the day had come to a close, I was so thankful for being given the opportunity to be inspired by such an eminent speaker who will change my perspective on myself and my decisions in life for years to come. :)

food gets me through life.

When September begins and summer ends, someone presses the fast-forward button on my life's remote control. But, as I struggle through the horrific weather that fall and winter brings, I find myself reminiscing about my favorite aspects of the summer that is now far behind me. During the summer I am such an epicure, since I love to enjoy different types of food since my family goes out to eat more frequently in the summer than during the school year. We would always take leisurely trips into the city for pleasure, and try all sorts of various cuisines. One of the cafes we went to was Au Bon Pain, which is an exquisite place for croissants and pastries, and they also can whip up an incredible roast beef sandwich. One of my favorites was the fondue restaurant (whose name escapes me) which we went to for my parent's anniversary. The ambiance of the restaurant transported my family and I to the tranquil French countryside. I could see the landscape vividly because the restaurant's paintings conveyed the talent of meticulous artists who paid close attention to the detail that made France so beautiful. When the first course was brought to our table, its fragrance was so omnipotent that my senses seemed to be overtaken by this gorgeous smell. Once I was able to see the fondue in front of my, I could not wait to dive my French bread into that sea of cheesy goodness. After we were finished, our waiter came back to our table and I told him with much brio, "This fondue is heavenly! It tastes as though it has been made by an Olympian god!" He was so flattered my my compliment that he brought out a chocolate fondue with cubes of cheesecake, strawberries, grapes, and bananas for us to indulge in. I was absolutely stuffed by the time the meal was over, and had to walk off all the calories I had gained by walking about twenty blocks to where my dad had parked our car. It was a great night... :)

But, I now have to move forward and accept the below freezing temperatures that ensue. At least I can look forward to turkey, cranberries, and egg nog! =]

my infatuation with the human mind.

The human mind is an endless labyrinth of thoughts, ideas, and feelings which will never cease to amaze me. It is incredible to me how a brain can provoke so many different feelings ranging from exuberance to depression. My infatuation with the dynamics of the human mind first started last year in my Spanish class. We had been assigned a Mexican artist to research, and my artist was Frida Kahlo. I was a little uninterested at first because I felt as though it was just going to be another typical research assignment. But, as I began to investigate Kahlo’s life, I had discovered how her state of mind had driven her to create such incredible paintings. Kahlo had gotten into a terrible bus collision which resulted in her inability to have children. Through her paintings she was able to convey her pain which sometimes came across as abstract and enigmatic. I was bewildered by how Kahlo used various symbols to express her state of infertility and how her works could imbue her emotions into my soul. It was so strange that this eccentric artist turned out to be culpable for motivating me to aspire to be a psychologist in the future. I now want to be able to understand what goes through the minds of human beings and how emotions are created and why people feel love and hatred and sadness. I want to be the one to help someone someday so they can feel as though they can understand themselves and not by destroyed by their internal thoughts.

what makes a novel a classic?

A novel can be considered classic when it is further interpreted years after the book has been published. The reoccurring discussion and thematic examination of a novel, portrays how it is "classic" enough to further investigate. Some novels that come to mind as classic to me include, "Hamlet", "Romeo and Juliet", and "A Tale of Two Cities". This novels for me exemplify a taste of classicism due to the fact that they have been inspiring for modern day plots of many movies, art, songs, and other novels as well. These novels are also dubbed classic for me because they are well-known by people of all ages, and therefore fit into the definition of classic as well. 

wuthering heights--> comments to others.

heyy JOR,

i definitely agree with your torn opinion on how the stereotype of rich people are snobby, but how some are grounded and have good values. i feel like sometimes it is hard for the rich to come out of the mindset that they can get just about whatever they want. this is a narrow way of thinking, yet some do manage to break out of it, and contribute their wealth towards benefitting the ones who need it most.

-jen :)

 

heyy yumsterrr!!!

i expanded on the same question as you and had the same opinion (and no i don't think you're a jerk cuz its true lol). i definitely agree with how women subconsciously are drawn to men who have a decent income, because they are thinking about the financial stability of their family in the future. i also think it is sad how the sweetest guys will almost never get the girl of their dreams, if they don't have a stable job at the time.

-jen :) (p.s. nice profile pic! lol)

 

heyy rhina,

i totally agree with your thoughts on revenge. i also believe that it is a bit abstract because it is a compilation of actions done to someone, but those actions are not clearly defined as insults or pranks. also, seeking revenge on someone definitely makes you just about as bad as them, so i agree with your advice on just ignoring the person instead. so yeah good post! :)

-jen =]

wuthering heights--> marriage and money.

whenever young women are asked about what they look for in a man, a few key characteristics come to mind. some of them for me would include: charming, loyal, funny, cute, and knows how to live life to the fullest. :) but even though some women don't always say it, in the very back of their minds, the majority of women do take into consideration whether or not this amazing guy they have found has the ability to keep a family financially stable for the rest of their life together. unfortunately, especially in today's society, money is just about everything. even though it can't buy happiness, it is a necessity that everyone needs in order to survive. so for me, i would say a good amount of women would choose a man with money, over a man who didn't have as much to reassure them that they can live comfortably. but i want to make this clear, in no way am i saying that women need to heavily rely on men for income, and not bring majority of the "bacon" home, because i am most definitely in favor of that lol. but i do feel as though it still remains a fantasy for women to have a man who is their soul mate, and not to have him be rich, but to have him be somewhat of a stable "rock" that they can rely on if the time comes to leave her job in order to take of their children.  

my comments.

comment #1: 

heyy gab, wow i loved your post! My parents also have been married 25 years also, and i can relate to when you describe how your dad still looks at your mom the same way after all these years, since my dad does the same thing. I feel as though love is an undefined bliss that is a blessing to encounter, and you really captured this idea within you post. I also agree with you on how this book really does encompass everything imaginable from drugs to falling in love lol. 
so great job! =] 
-jen :)

comment #2: 

heyy christa! <3.>wow i love your connection to white chicks lol...i think that you really have taken a lot from the book in order to connect it so easily to a popular movie from today's culture. I am in complete agreement with you on how the Nation of Islam was wearing a mask the entire time. This also portrays the lesson of deception, and how not everything is as good as it seems. so overall great connection! 
luvs jen :)

comment #3: 

heyy jill :) 
i also made a blog post on religion and described how i am a stronger catholic due to the confirmation retreat i went on over this weekend. i really think that malcolm turned towards the islamic religion for the same reason in which the majority of people turn to religion and that is for hope. I also concur with your opinion on how people shouldn't make it their responsibility to convert other people into their religion. I agree with how you should respect other people's religions and accept what they believe in. 
great post! =] 
luvs jen :)

comment #4: 

heyy john
i definitely agree with your opinion on how Malcolm had a fake "tough guy" appearance. i feel as though this facade was most definitely created with the help of all the drugs he was on, which made him feel somewhat "invincible". Also, when you brought up the quote that states how everything is written, I definitely support that quote due to the fact that I am Catholic and believe that God has created a roadmap for every individual to follow and also has reason for why things happen the way they do. 
great post! 
-jen =]

post #5 tricks.

As Malcolm begins to develop more and more wittier responses to counter-attack against the title of "Black Muslims", he begins to research tricks that will enable him to become even more aggressive. In chapter fourteen, he states, "From the old hustling days I knew that there were tricks to everything. In the prison debating, I had learned tricks to upset my opponents, to catch them where they didn't expect to be caught. I knew there were bound to be tricks I didn't know anything about arguing on the air" (Haley 249). From this quote, I am able to see how Malcolm is starting to veer towards his old ways of deception and recklessness in a more sophisticated sense. His determination to be the best he can be at arguing and defending his religion shows a scary side of him due to the fact his words have become intensified than those of the hustler he once was. 

The personal connection i have to seeing these "tricks of debating" include when people from various high schools in the area came to my school in order to debate on a specific topic. This year's topic was coming up with alternate ways to soften the effects of global warming that is currently engulfing the world in. During the debate I saw during my math class was truly intense because it was battle of the sexes...boys vs. girls. The position of the two guys was that they were against the case, while the girls were supporting the case and proposing the use of hybrid cars, etc. As the debate progressed, the guys' tactic or "trick" seemed to be to simply deny whatever factual information the girls had proposed, and denying the fact that global warming even existed. The girls' tactics consisted of talking realllyyyy fast and viciously attacking guys whenever there were disagreements which seemed to be every second. From this experience I am able to say that Malcolm encompasses the characteristics of the girls' as well as the boys' ability to debate. This is because throughout his intense arguments he has always managed to lash out and severely scar those who he didn't see eye to eye with. Malcolm also seems to reflect a splash of ignorance, which the guys had during the debate (when they denied global warming), because Malcolm is insistent on the assumption of how ALL whites are evil.

kay so when this debate was over...i was kind of overwhelmed by the intensity that accumulated within the room. i have always kind of wanted to be on the debate team but never really knew if it was my nitch. i am strong about my beliefs and morals and definitely find myself butting heads with my dad sometimes since we both are people who need to get in the last word and be right all the time. malcolm seems to be like this kind of person because he never backs down when he is called out or insulted, and always manages to snap right back on whoever said the comment to him. so when me and my dad disagree about something you know who most likely wins (me =]!) but i am still open to hearing his side of the story. this is where i feel like me and malcolm approach a disconnection because before he went to mecca he had a "it's either my way or the highway" kind of mentality and silenced whatever he didn't want to hear by arguing at a louder decibel. but hey thats malcolm for ya :) 

Lastly, this article that I found is cute, because it's called "Stupid Debating Tricks"  and I found that it related to some of the tactics that were used in the debate that I saw lol. And it also relates somewhat to the styles that Malcolm uses in his various arguments and debates. 

post #4 icarus.

"Icarus' father made some wings that he fastened with wax. 'Never fly but so high with these wings,' the father said. But soaring around, this way, that way, Icarus' flying pleased him so that he began thinking he was flying on his own merit. Higher he flew-higher-until the heat of the sun melted the wax holding those wings. And down cam Icarus--tumbling" (Haley 293). This picture depicts Icarus' fall back down towards earth, or what i would also call reality. This little dash of Greek mythology really managed to emphasize Malcolm's reflection on how he knew that his downfall would be approaching soon. It's funny how sometimes we don't realize how we are so blind as to not see how we all manage to spiral out of control, using the fuel of our egos to propel us. At this point in his life, Malcolm was beginning to get a little too arrogant and controlling by sort of transforming his preaching of the Islamic religion into heated debates in order to lash out on those who didn't agree with his beliefs. At this point, I feel as though the attention that he was getting, was influencing him to construe fiery and irrational comments in order to attract the media...and soon all of this fanfare that was encompassing him would soon come to a dead kind of silence. 

I can relate to this Icarus story because being a teen, you sometimes think that the world revolves around you. I'll admit that this does happen to me (once in a blue moon lol), and I can relate to how Icarus forgot who had made him able to fly, as I sometimes forget about the needs of the family who has raised me to be who I am today. When I get too wrapped up in my friends and school, I start soaring a little too high, but thanks to my parents, as quickly as i soar, i manage coming back down to reality just as quickly. For this i am fortunate to have my parents occasionally reminding me to reexamine my current actions, and reminding me to respect the ones who deserve it most--> who will forever be my loving family. <3.  class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(85, 26, 139); text-decoration: underline;">

post #3 religion.

When Malcolm was at his lowest point, physically and mentally, during his time in prison...one thing had saved him. That one thing had turned out to be religion. While in his prison cell, his brother Reginald, and other family members had been trying to preach to him about becoming a Muslim. This religion managed to transform Malcolm into a totally different person...cleansing his mind, body, and spirit. I wanted to become more familiar with how the religion managed to be so influential by reaching out to Malcolm and placing him back where he started, when I realized that in hard times people don't only turn to Islam specifically, they turn to RELIGION. in an article I found, i justified the well-known fact on how when times get tough...people are apt to turn towards some kind of higher being for hope and encouragement. The article is called, "Gloom Spells Boom for Religion", and clearly shows how people really do need to find an escape where optimism is abundant, when everything else in their life seems shattered. 

This past weekend I attended a 24 hour confirmation retreat at my church, and had an unforgettable experience. This retreat managed to purify me as a person, and opened my eyes in order to see what mattered to me in life. This experience was similar to Malcolm's due to the fact that my faith in Catholicism became stronger, just as it did for him in converting to Islam. On this retreat, there were about 80 kids, some who were friends of mine, and we all were dreading it lol. But, once i arrived, the inspiration i gained was priceless. The weekend mostly consisted of hearing talks by teens who had received their confirmation about 2 years ago, and had been through tragedies, but managed to turn towards God for strength. Some of the experiences that these teens had been through really touched me, and their relationship to God was inspiring. After each talk, we would get into small groups in order to discuss topics such as the strength of prayer, and what being a Catholic meant. After the weekend was over, I had received lessons that really caused me to think about who i am as a person. Religion seems to have that effect on people...causing them to escape from their lives and reflect on the people we care the most about <3. 

post #2 harlem.

The field trip to Harlem was definitely a pretty unique experience. When we went to the Schomberg Center for Research in Black Culture, our tour guide Neal Shoemaker had brought us upstairs where there were small African American children from Harlem sitting on the ground and watching Martin Luther King's "I Have a Dream" speech. Then, all of us from Pascack Valley were standing behind them, as the movie transitioned into Obama's inauguration, in which the theme song that was playing in the background was, "yes we can". Then, Neal made a profound observation which stuck with me, because he said something along the lines of, "Wow look at this, we've got kids from two completely different lifestyles in the same room, watching scenes from Obama's inauguration which was such a historical day. See this is what I live for, seeing u, young people come together, no matter what color or creed, coming together to celebrate LIFE". When he said this i was definitely touched because it took me a second to take in the beauty of how we were all together, and how it had affected him in such a positive way. 

Going to the Apollo Theater was probably my favorite. The guide, Billy, was so passionate about his job that it just made the experience all the more captivating. Then, along the wall of the theater was a collage of all the people who had performed there and Billy would sing each one of their songs. This was not only entertaining :) but it also really showed me how he was still striving to keep the African American culture alive through reviving its musical aspect. Going there was really like walking through a time warp and going back to the sixty's because of the theater's architecture as well as its revival of still hosting Amateur Night every Wednesday. 

The Masjid Malcolm Shabazz Mosque was also a very interesting experience. When we first arrived, we were instructed to take off our shoes and enter through different entrances according to gender. When we entered, the place was bare except for seven windows that had Arabic writing on its windows, and a few supporting beams. It was so different for me because when I enter my place of worship (which is a church) I am used to seeing pews, an alter, a cross with the crucifix on it, so it seemed a little strange. What I found particularly interesting was how the Muslim who was talking to our group, Brother Tyreke, mentioned how there are never any images of the divine in a mosque. His reasoning for this was that by not displaying any images of how the God is perceived, it gives the Muslims freedom to picture their God through the use of their minds and hearts. Also, what I noticed in particular about Brother Tyreke was how he was so calm, and i think that was a true reflection of how this Islamic religion is very cleansing for the mind and soul. 

Lastly, Sylvia's Restaurant. Kay so fried chicken was amazing! I don't know what they used to make the skin but it was nothing like I've ever had before lol :). The rice was also really good and a bit spicy, but the the banana bread pudding was OUT  OF THIS WORLD. It is probs my most favorite dessert ever!  

So overall I really enjoyed the trip and thought it was a great experience. I feel as though it is so much more interesting to learn about history through meeting different kinds of people and really hearing their unique stories about how it affected their lives specifically. =] 

Oh and of course here is my connection--> I was looking online for more info on harlem and found this great pic on a website that has 125th street in it...which as neal said was one of the most famous streets in the world! Also, this website has some great history that goes further into the arts, culture, and neighborhood of harlem which i found really interesting. here's the link: Harlem History. 

post #1 malcolm's drug abuse.

From chapters seven to ten, the complexity of Malcolm's psychological composition had been revealed. To begin, I feel as though I can't figure out who he really is yet because there seems to be so many layers of his psyche that disable me to pull them apart enough to reach his core. While he was hustling in Harlem, it was quite interesting for me to read about how all of his different schemes were planned and put into action, yet I couldn't quite make out his persona while he was undergoing all of these schemes. He seemed to be a blur of sly intelligence that was constantly on drugs to a dangerous extent. I could see how his body was reacting to the drugs, which made it harder to make out who Malcolm was. It seemed as though he began to be twisted and molded into a new person that consisted of bits and pieces of all the new people he was meeting like Sammy and Ruby. Since his dependency on drugs was such an intense focus, I browsed through the online version of the New York Times for an article called, "Drug Abuse", and discovered that dependency of drugs for young people is a process that has several stages. These stages consist of, "experimental use, regular use, daily preoccupation, and dependence" ("Drug Abuse"). The stage especially emphasized within the autobiography was the "daily preoccupation" because the description of this stage is, "the user engages in secretive behavior; may begin dealing drugs to help support habit" ("Drug Abuse"). This obviously explains Malcolm's intense desire to gamble and begin to burgle homes of innocent victims, as well as his need to become a peddler of marijuana. Also, the scariest part for me to read was when Malcolm was fooling around with his gun and scaring Sophia, Ruby, and Shorty because he, "...grinned at them. All of their mouths had flapped open. I pulled the trigger--we all heard click" (Haley 146). Once I had read that, I was fully convinced that Malcolm was mentally disturbed and totally overtaken by the drugs in which he was so addicted to. No one sane ever jokes about shooting themselves in the head with a real gun unless they have completely lost it.

For me personally, I can somewhat relate to Malcolm, obviously not to the drug abuse part (i mean this is jen talking lol) but definitely to the way in which he creates layers by using drugs for example, to prevent people from viewing his vulnerability or who he really is. i too can definitely admit that i try to make everything on the outside appear put-together to build enough of a blockade so people can not have a peek into the stress, sadness, or difficulties i may be going through at a specific time. But, when i get home, my facade definitely comes off and i am able to really get out what i am feeling by talking to my family. Unfortunately this is what malcolm lacks. he tries to appear invincible with the help of drugs but never really discovers a place to take off his fake persona, and show who he really is. so, i am really thankful to have such a supportive family who put up with my moods and stress on a daily basis...love you guys! <3. 

intense video.

While watching the video about ethnic notations today, I was hit with some strong images and cartoons that depicted several ignorant stereotypes about African Americans, that I was unaware of. I had no idea that there were actual names that depicted different types of black people such as "sambos", "zip coons", and "brutes". This was surprising to me because I was just blind to the fact that cartoons about black people had been circulated even with derogatory terms which were used as a reference to blacks (such as the "n" word), on innocent products such as greeting cards and books for toddlers. The most shocking part of the video was when the stereotype of the "pickaninny" was discussed. These were black babies who were drawn in a jungle-type environment, and would be depicted as the snack for another animal such as an alligator on postcards. I was appalled to see that even innocent children were victims of being somewhat publicly humiliated in such an inappropriate way. It really makes me question how the society was almost completely void of protecting the most innocent of all its citizens--> children. I mean babies...really?? That's absolutely horrifying and not entertaining or funny in the slightest. I have to say that it really did leave a lasting impression on me because of how people saw blacks as animals, not even humans, and to target their ridiculous opinions upon such undeserving kids within the race, and how they couldn't even be spared from the ignorant ridicule. 

malcolm's first turning point.

In chapter 2, Malcolm starts to make incredible progress in school and begins to come into his own once he is released from reform school and enrolled into a regular junior high. Even though he is only 13, he reveals the great amount of intelligence and spark that he possesses. But, when he has a life-changing conversation with his English teacher Mr. Ostrowski, who he thought liked him very much, he begins to slowly spiral downward again. What ignited this spiral? Well, when he asked Malcolm what he wanted to aspire to be when he was older, Malcolm said he wanted to be a lawyer. But, Mr. Ostrowski's detrimental response was, "Malcolm, one of life's first needs is for us to be realistic. Don't misundertand me, now. We all here like you, you know that. But you've got to be realistic about being a nigger. A lawyer--that's not a realistic goal for a nigger. You need to think about something you can be" (Haley 38). While reading this reaction to young Malcolm's aspiration, I literally could hear nails on a chalkboard. For someone to so bluntly suck every drop of self-esteem from a child, to me is most definitely verbal abuse at its finest.

The part that was a bit heartbreaking for me to read was what Malcolm thought once the words from Mr. Ostrowski had settled in his mind. His thoughts were, "But apparently I was still not intelligent enough, in their eyes, to become whatever I wanted to be. It was then that I began to change--inside. I drew away from white people" (Haley 38). To isolate oneself from an entire race is such an unhealthy thing, because especially when people are young and innocent, it's easier for them to be free-thinkers and accept everyone, until reality and other people's opinions begin to soil their outlook on life, as they grow older. But, it is quite obvious that this conversation definitely fueled a revelation for Malcolm, and seems to be foreshadowing the reasons as to why he becomes an adovocate for a separate nation for African Americans that is free from whites. Also, it reveals how in the future he will speak out about supporting segregation rather than integration, because this experience has caused him to see that whites and blacks can not live peacefully together, or be treated equally. The power of this autobiography is definitely beginning to hit me because the hardships that Malcolm goes through at such a young age definitely causes me to really reflect on how racist our country has been, and how it took so long to give these people the equal rights that they have always been entitled to.

nightmare.

In the first chapter I was enraptured by the destruction that hit Malcolm's family, once his father had died. They were low on cash and unfortunately had to sacrifice their pride to accept the charity money that was being given to them. In the novel, Malcolm states how, "We began to go swiftly downhill. The physical downhill wasn't as quick as the psychological. My mother was, above everything else, a proud woman, and it took its toll on her that she was accepting charity" (Haley 13). This really shows how much the state welfare people were slowly shutting her down and causing her to become emotionally drained. It also shows how she is very sensitive about letting her guard down in front of white people since she is an African American, and believes that she is already seen as inferior to them. Her inability to express that she is vulnerable internally destroys her because she begins to lose her strength when she is put into a mental hospital.

While reading this I couldn't help but relate this to how humans of every race feel as though they need to protect themselves and prove to people that they can carry the weight of the world on their shoulders. It also caused me to reflect on how some people are difficult to sympathize for because they need to retain the facade that reads that they have everything under control and don't need any help or support. In some cases, it's human nature, but in this case, it's because Malcolm's mother feels as though she needs to stand strong for her race, since it has been so painfully beaten and trochered in the past.