post #1 malcolm's drug abuse.

From chapters seven to ten, the complexity of Malcolm's psychological composition had been revealed. To begin, I feel as though I can't figure out who he really is yet because there seems to be so many layers of his psyche that disable me to pull them apart enough to reach his core. While he was hustling in Harlem, it was quite interesting for me to read about how all of his different schemes were planned and put into action, yet I couldn't quite make out his persona while he was undergoing all of these schemes. He seemed to be a blur of sly intelligence that was constantly on drugs to a dangerous extent. I could see how his body was reacting to the drugs, which made it harder to make out who Malcolm was. It seemed as though he began to be twisted and molded into a new person that consisted of bits and pieces of all the new people he was meeting like Sammy and Ruby. Since his dependency on drugs was such an intense focus, I browsed through the online version of the New York Times for an article called, "Drug Abuse", and discovered that dependency of drugs for young people is a process that has several stages. These stages consist of, "experimental use, regular use, daily preoccupation, and dependence" ("Drug Abuse"). The stage especially emphasized within the autobiography was the "daily preoccupation" because the description of this stage is, "the user engages in secretive behavior; may begin dealing drugs to help support habit" ("Drug Abuse"). This obviously explains Malcolm's intense desire to gamble and begin to burgle homes of innocent victims, as well as his need to become a peddler of marijuana. Also, the scariest part for me to read was when Malcolm was fooling around with his gun and scaring Sophia, Ruby, and Shorty because he, "...grinned at them. All of their mouths had flapped open. I pulled the trigger--we all heard click" (Haley 146). Once I had read that, I was fully convinced that Malcolm was mentally disturbed and totally overtaken by the drugs in which he was so addicted to. No one sane ever jokes about shooting themselves in the head with a real gun unless they have completely lost it.

For me personally, I can somewhat relate to Malcolm, obviously not to the drug abuse part (i mean this is jen talking lol) but definitely to the way in which he creates layers by using drugs for example, to prevent people from viewing his vulnerability or who he really is. i too can definitely admit that i try to make everything on the outside appear put-together to build enough of a blockade so people can not have a peek into the stress, sadness, or difficulties i may be going through at a specific time. But, when i get home, my facade definitely comes off and i am able to really get out what i am feeling by talking to my family. Unfortunately this is what malcolm lacks. he tries to appear invincible with the help of drugs but never really discovers a place to take off his fake persona, and show who he really is. so, i am really thankful to have such a supportive family who put up with my moods and stress on a daily basis...love you guys! <3. 

intense video.

While watching the video about ethnic notations today, I was hit with some strong images and cartoons that depicted several ignorant stereotypes about African Americans, that I was unaware of. I had no idea that there were actual names that depicted different types of black people such as "sambos", "zip coons", and "brutes". This was surprising to me because I was just blind to the fact that cartoons about black people had been circulated even with derogatory terms which were used as a reference to blacks (such as the "n" word), on innocent products such as greeting cards and books for toddlers. The most shocking part of the video was when the stereotype of the "pickaninny" was discussed. These were black babies who were drawn in a jungle-type environment, and would be depicted as the snack for another animal such as an alligator on postcards. I was appalled to see that even innocent children were victims of being somewhat publicly humiliated in such an inappropriate way. It really makes me question how the society was almost completely void of protecting the most innocent of all its citizens--> children. I mean babies...really?? That's absolutely horrifying and not entertaining or funny in the slightest. I have to say that it really did leave a lasting impression on me because of how people saw blacks as animals, not even humans, and to target their ridiculous opinions upon such undeserving kids within the race, and how they couldn't even be spared from the ignorant ridicule. 

malcolm's first turning point.

In chapter 2, Malcolm starts to make incredible progress in school and begins to come into his own once he is released from reform school and enrolled into a regular junior high. Even though he is only 13, he reveals the great amount of intelligence and spark that he possesses. But, when he has a life-changing conversation with his English teacher Mr. Ostrowski, who he thought liked him very much, he begins to slowly spiral downward again. What ignited this spiral? Well, when he asked Malcolm what he wanted to aspire to be when he was older, Malcolm said he wanted to be a lawyer. But, Mr. Ostrowski's detrimental response was, "Malcolm, one of life's first needs is for us to be realistic. Don't misundertand me, now. We all here like you, you know that. But you've got to be realistic about being a nigger. A lawyer--that's not a realistic goal for a nigger. You need to think about something you can be" (Haley 38). While reading this reaction to young Malcolm's aspiration, I literally could hear nails on a chalkboard. For someone to so bluntly suck every drop of self-esteem from a child, to me is most definitely verbal abuse at its finest.

The part that was a bit heartbreaking for me to read was what Malcolm thought once the words from Mr. Ostrowski had settled in his mind. His thoughts were, "But apparently I was still not intelligent enough, in their eyes, to become whatever I wanted to be. It was then that I began to change--inside. I drew away from white people" (Haley 38). To isolate oneself from an entire race is such an unhealthy thing, because especially when people are young and innocent, it's easier for them to be free-thinkers and accept everyone, until reality and other people's opinions begin to soil their outlook on life, as they grow older. But, it is quite obvious that this conversation definitely fueled a revelation for Malcolm, and seems to be foreshadowing the reasons as to why he becomes an adovocate for a separate nation for African Americans that is free from whites. Also, it reveals how in the future he will speak out about supporting segregation rather than integration, because this experience has caused him to see that whites and blacks can not live peacefully together, or be treated equally. The power of this autobiography is definitely beginning to hit me because the hardships that Malcolm goes through at such a young age definitely causes me to really reflect on how racist our country has been, and how it took so long to give these people the equal rights that they have always been entitled to.

nightmare.

In the first chapter I was enraptured by the destruction that hit Malcolm's family, once his father had died. They were low on cash and unfortunately had to sacrifice their pride to accept the charity money that was being given to them. In the novel, Malcolm states how, "We began to go swiftly downhill. The physical downhill wasn't as quick as the psychological. My mother was, above everything else, a proud woman, and it took its toll on her that she was accepting charity" (Haley 13). This really shows how much the state welfare people were slowly shutting her down and causing her to become emotionally drained. It also shows how she is very sensitive about letting her guard down in front of white people since she is an African American, and believes that she is already seen as inferior to them. Her inability to express that she is vulnerable internally destroys her because she begins to lose her strength when she is put into a mental hospital.

While reading this I couldn't help but relate this to how humans of every race feel as though they need to protect themselves and prove to people that they can carry the weight of the world on their shoulders. It also caused me to reflect on how some people are difficult to sympathize for because they need to retain the facade that reads that they have everything under control and don't need any help or support. In some cases, it's human nature, but in this case, it's because Malcolm's mother feels as though she needs to stand strong for her race, since it has been so painfully beaten and trochered in the past.